Tired. But fighting.

I’m pretty much only here when I’m procrastinating something more important or urgent.
Referring to the emo picture above, I realise I’m an extrovert that enjoys my solidarity time.
Free of influence, responsibilities, expectations, schedules, deadlines, just everything.
Although the out going part of me will die if I don’t have social interactions, but I will feel extremely burnt out if I don’t have a complete me time. Just me and my thoughts.
(Not too much of it tho, I get bored easily)

Recently, after getting a Kitten then a Puppy. I find such thing is really a LUXURY.
On top of parent duties (EVERY FUCKING WAKING HOURS) I still have my role of Social Media Marketing/Graphic Designer (debatable). I know some people can’t understand why the fuck do I have to bring this work upon myself. I am totally in a fortunate position to be a not so rich ‘taitai’ living the shiok life of not having to work, just cook, and keep pets. Why work so hard to get yourself into all these and then complain about burn outs? How fortunate of a position I am in and how many millions of people want to live the life I live.

BUT THIS IS NOT ME. Lounging whole day doing nothing, taking care of kids/pets.
I KNOW if I don’t do it I’ll lose myself, everything I’ve worked so hard for will slowly rot away.
I will lose my sense of self and everything I’ve built. It’s just not me, I’ll lose my sanity and become someone that’s not me, and I really like me. Or at least how much I use to have it all together.
Plus I ENJOY doing it. Managing social accounts, learning about the backends of industries I’ve never even given a second thought about before.
Upgrading myself, learning new skills and tools. It brings me joy.
It’s rare that people ‘finds themselves’ AND FUCKING GET PAID FOR IT.
I’m money motivated (tho thankfully still generous about it, generous therefore money motivated?) it’s not a bad thing, I get money through my own wits and hard work. To spend it on things and people I want without a worry about money. I like that? I get it; Can’t afford it? I’ll choose an acceptable alternative or work hard for it. Money really is a very big part of living a decent life in this capitalised society. People that say money can’t buy happiness should really try buying something for someone that the someone really wanted for very long but can’t afford.

I get paid for something I like doing, worked hard for, and makes me happy.
H.O.W P.E.R.F.E.C.T I.S T.H.A.T ?!

But recently I can’t. I am a responsible person, I know the Puppy (Sushi) needs my attention.
I know there are errands I have to run, things I have to do.

Midnight till three in the morning will always be my favourite time of the day.
Free of expectations, free of responsibilities.

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