How to Nab yourself a Nice guy.

Sometimes I feel sorry for the nice girl next door. Seriously I do. You know who she is… She’s decent looking, she watches Garfield movies, and spam you with cartoon bear pictures saying “Have a nice weekend” and other girly things. She can’t do no harm cause she’s just a girl. She has fits of temper now and again but hey, who doesn’t get mad right? But her tantrum is never destructive. She does not bang tables or scream like a howler monkey. She just give you a bad eye and say the crappiest thing she can think off just to get back at you and if you go argue with her long enough, she’ll cry. Yup, that’s what nice girls do.

Spam from a nice girl.
But all so often I see this same girl gets distressed. And if you look hard enough, her problems does not come from her; (what problem can you get attaching a graphic jpeg and mass emailing your friends? None. Unless the jpeg is actually an .exe file packed with malicious code) but actually from her jerk boyfriend. And most nice girls have experienced a jerk boyfriend before. Maybe you are dating this jerk right now. As nice girls are, sometimes I have to admit they are TERRIBLE at choosing their guys. (But then again, I don’t blame them cause guys can come out with an act so convincing, they make Denzel Washington look like a part-time B-movie actor.)

Yes, he may look extremely cute with that ear stud on, but if you are not careful, you will be lining up at the abortion clinic after 3 weeks and suddenly that ear stud doesn’t look cute anymore.

This guy just screams husband material.

And yes, girls whether nice or not, have this burden of getting pregnant so your guard must be switched on double time because guys can be ruthless. Guys on the other hand requires no guard.. Cause they are on constant attack mode. And they’ll use all sorts of ways and lines and ear studs just to get what they want. And I’m not talking about emotionally rewarding relationships here.

So since Valentines Day is coming, I thought its high time that you girls get the inside look at the mind of the male. With these guidelines, hopefully, you’ll meet nice guys who are available and straight. And yes they are still around and yes there thousands of them. And to me, I believe nice girls deserve nice guys.

Nice guys don’t have a smart mouth.
Spotting a nice guy is easy if you know what to look for. If a nice guy is angry at a certain individual, he does not know how to retaliate with smart words. His nice mind is not trained to think of sarcastic, manipulative thoughts on a dateline. So he just keeps his cool and walk away. Mind you, that does not mean he’s never mad. He’s human, he gotta be mad sometimes but he doesn’t know how to express it right there and then. He only says nasty stuff hours after the incident happened and everybody had left. And even if he tries to say something smart to hurt the other person, his words will appear stupid.

Nasty person: You are a freaking donkey!
Nice Guy: Well, a donkey.. err.. is an animal good for manual labour!

Nasty person: You are like a freaking donkey!
Nasty guy: F&*k you! Well, you are a freaking flying pig! You know why you are flying pig? That’s because your mother blah..blah.. blah..

He can’t think nasty comebacks on demand because he is brought up in an environment that does not need to think and hurl sarcastic remarks every few minutes. I know of a jerk at school once and how good he is at nasty comebacks. You cannot out debate him and he appears to win every verbal disagreement because he kept coming up with these smart defensive things like he got a talent for it. I always wonder where he learns this shit from.

Lo and behold, he invited me to his place for a school project and I realized that he got his training from his Mum. She would barrage him with constant questions and verbal attacks on chores not being done and how messy he was. His tactic was to defend himself and sometimes he made good remarks but most of the time he would crashed and burned. His Mum was no match for him. She would out talk him into submission but he was tapping. However, his Mum was unrelenting and she went for the humiliating verbal chokehold.

Yeah, he may win at arguments in school but his life is verbal hell at home. So if you want a nice guy, listen to what he gotta say when he’s being verbally assaulted. If he doesn’t say much but just swears here and there.. he’s a good guy! But if he retaliates with well thought sarcastic, creative insults with poetic rhythm, stay the hell away from him!

Nice guys have nice friends
If you want to see if this guy is a jerk or someone you can show off to your parents, just take a look at his friends. Nice guys surrounds themselves with nice people. Don’t confuse acquaintances with friends. Locate who he spends with all the time.. If you like his friends, very high chance you gonna like him too.

Nice guys are shy.
Have you heard of the term “Nice guys finish last?” This is where the phrase comes from cause nice guys are usually shy. There are some shy jerks out there too but the majority bulk of nice guys are shy when it comes to being with the opposite sex. He may be an out spoken, funny clown with his guy friends but get a girl he like in the mix and he goes quiet. Jerks are usually confident wise ass who comes to you and ask for your number. Nice guys are the ones who admire you in secret.

There is 1 jerk and 8 hiding nice guys. Can you spot them all?
So how do you nab a nice guy that strikes your fancy? You gotta do the approaching. Yup, you heard me. Its better to approach 1 nice guy then being approached by 10 jerks wouldn’t you say. I know you girls have egos too so in order to keep them fully intact; approach him through friends. Hang out in groups.

Always start as friends and give him CLEAR hints that you like him. (I don’t consider myself a nice guy.. I’m the evil bunny remember? But, the clearest hint that a girl ever gave me was when she said “I like spending time with you Evil Bunny, let’s not go home so early. And it was already 1 am.) If you realized that he is not interested in you and the word spreads, just use the good ol’ “I’m nice to you doesn’t mean I’m in love with you.” line. Girls use that all the time and gotten away with it since dinosaurs roamed the land.

Nice guys are nice to humans AND animals.
This subtlety is often overlooked but it carries some substantial weight. A nice guy spreads his niceness irregardless if you are human or you have fur on your face. His niceness knows no bounds. He is nice to you and he will also be nice to a cat, hamster or your pet parakeet. I remembered this incident at East Coast. I was invited to the usual get-together barbecue and I was introduced to a couple of guys I’ve never met before. I noticed one of them grab a stray cat by its neck. You can see that the cat is not comfortable to be manhandled in that sort of fashion so it started to hiss and scratch the guy’s arms.

But jerks being jerks they are, do what they do best, so he refuse to let go. But once he did, the cat scurried and hid under a park bench. I would totally understand if it’s a 5 year old kid who is curious about furry animals.. that’s what kids do, but this is a 20-something year old guy we are talking about. Now, even the cat knows that this guy is not boyfriend material but not this friend of mine, who so happen to be one of the nicest girls I’ve met.

So if you wanna test if a guy is a good guy and worth your time, observe how he treats animals especially strays at coffeshops. If he sees a cat and does not bug it, he’s a good guy. If he gives some chicken meat to the starving kitty, he’s a GENEROUS good guy. If he makes stamping noises with his feet to chase a cat away, he’s an a$$hole.

Nice guys are God conscious
When I mean nice, I mean the guy knows from right and wrong. I don’t mean he’ll open doors for you or say “Good morning” to everyone or say “Thank You”, everytime without fail, when someone gave him something. He is human not your courtesy mascot. He knows when to keep quiet and when to talk. He is sensitive to other people’s feelings and he hates confrontation. But where does he get all his code of conduct from? Cause we know that some people think that orgies are as harmless as new born butterflies while some people abhors it. So where do nice guys get their set of “good behaviour” rules from? The government? No.. From religion.

The struggle of good and evil will prevail until the end of time.
Nice guys are usually God conscious people. They believe in an afterlife and they believe in the punishment and reward system. Heaven & hell. Jerks who believes in Darwinism believe that when they die, it’s all black and nothing happens so that means they think that they can cheat/harm anyone and get away with it. “If the police don’t catch me, I’m a free man.” Or that’s what they think. I read in a news article that lists 4 points that suggest a marriage bound for divorce (it’s a collection of statistics from the US.)

The marriage is bound for divorce if:
1) Age: the couples are young
2) Income: the couples are financially disadvantaged
3) Religion: the couples are not religious
4) Err.. I forgot about the last point. Sorry.

Oh where, oh where, is my little nice guy. Oh where can he be?
You have all these guys roaming around so where do you start? Chatting online is one way but I don’t recommend it cause he might be some sexual predator. Clubs, nightspots, discos; whatever you call them, are the worst. If your idea of a nice guy is someone who would have sex with you and never call you back, that’s the place to be. But if you want a nice guy to settle down with and raise babies, look elsewhere.

I recommend joining clubs. If you like canoeing, register at your local CC or something. That way, you can meet guys and they will have the same interest as you. Remember, when they say opposites attract, they are talking about magnets not people.

Never settle for less
Your parents are pressurizing you into marriage. The clock is ticking. So you grab the first nice guy that come along even though he looks like a toad? Wrong. Even if the pressure is suffocating, remember that this is your guy and you are gonna spend time with him and not your parents or friends. If you like a nice guy with good looks, by all means wait. Never settle for less or you gonna regret it. However, let me remind you that there is only 1 Brad Pitt and only 1 Tom Welling. And both are married. The secret is to get a nice guy with at least having the potential to look good. Nice guys don’t have a string of dates. They need help with choosing their clothes.

So after you secure the deal, don’t change him overnight cause he will think that you are bossy (even though it’s true). Coax him to lose that long hair of his. Lie to him that you saw a cockroach crawled in his beard. Tell him that he needs new clothes for an event coming up and buy a new set of clothes that YOU chose. Make him wear it and smile like never before and boost his confidence by saying that he look good in that G2000 shirt and it doesn’t even cost much. Decorate him like a Christmas tree. Soon you’ll notice that you turned that toad to toad with nice clothes. And trust me other girls will start noticing. Now, you have the problem of getting those bitches off your nice man.

Be honest. I know you want to date that toad now.

Admit it, girls like bad boys.
Last but not least, sometimes nice girls fail to get a nice guy because they find bad boys alluring. You should see how their eyes twinkle when they see a tribal tattoo on his neck, or his split toungue. Yes, self mutilation is so arousing isn’t it. If you are bad girl, you deserve a bad guy cause you are qualified to hook him on your leash cause you know the terrain well.

Good girls on the other hand, don’t have a clue. So they crash and burn but they don’t learn from their mistake and keep dating a whole set of jerks. They grew accustomed to guys borrowing money from them to buy cigarettes. They think its okay to be called a bitch everytime they argue. They tolerate a punch on the shoulder because they thought that’s how guys are; they are rough. They thought all guys do that. Maybe jerks do, not nice guys.

You want real-life examples? Check out the Miami Sound Machine’s Gloria Estefan music video. Now Gloria here is hot! But see how she adores bad boys. The lyrics goes like this:

bad boy
you make me feel so good.
The way you hold me tight
you get me so excited

boys will be boys –
nothin’ but trouble –
boys will be boys –
leave me feelin’ breathless –

And when he drives me home
I feel safe at night

“And when he drives me home I feel safe at night?” Can’t you see he’s trying to earn your trust so that he can get in your pants, Gloria?

(I copied and pasted the whole thing from the evil bunny website, cause I think this is soooooo true


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