2014

HELLO ALL.

It’s been long long long.
Thought of doing a blog post for 2014 quite some times
but I’ve been out like everyday.

Living the life. Yo.

I really wanna make a summary (kinda?) of this year
because this year, I saw the most growth in myself.
Like seriously a lot from my view, though it might not
be obvious for others.

How do I start ..?

Maybe I should give a review on my year ! 2014.
Yup that’s what I’ll do .. Let’s see ..

2014. 

In general it was great.
Awesome it fact.
For those who knows, I’m no longer that involved in NPCC.
Which frees out so so much time.
Giving me more than enough to think, and over think.
A lot more time for friends and do a little soul searching.
I kinda found myself ,I think? *holy musics*
I think it’s true that one has to be lost in their way
so that they can truly find the right path/destination they want.
If you ask me what do I mean by finding myself, I have to say…
I’m not sure.
I just don’t feel so “lost” and “blinded” anymore.
I know what I want, more importantly I know what I DO NOT want.
From examples of shits I see and all.
For maybe the first time, I can smile to myself and be in peace with
myself some times.
Some other times I still have some teenage girls confused moments,
but the occurrence reduced significantly and I can actually calm
myself down and think my way out.
Suddenly all the empowering quotes and advices I see online and get
from friends makes complete sense.
( When I was young I would just brush what people tell me off
“becuz dhey juz dunn unstd miie”)
I think this is good news and a clear sign of growing up, of maturing.
THOUGHTS, people not physically, I look as young as I can be, gosh.

Thinking.
You have no idea what goes through my mind.
I think it’s something normal human beings cannot comprehend and I do
spend time wishing suspecting I’m from another planet.
I mean I think way too much. About a lot of stuff.
What I mean is not thinking in the 12 YO girls way like:
” WHY DO THEY HATE ME ? WHY ?!”
” WHY DOESN’T HE LOVE ME NO MORE WHY ?!”
” WHY I JUST CAN’T DO IT I SUCK.”
” IF I DIE NO ONE WOULD CARE.”

Oh guanyinma no.
Let’s have a look what goes through my mind on a daily routine:
” Why are some Americans so racist ?! (Note to self, SOME not all)
Is it because of their culture? They have a very laid back culture
what are the ways it affect the current racial culture? Or is it their
religion? They are mostly Christians which is dominant and originated
in none multiracial regions, it that why? But Christianity preaches peace.”
OR
” Why are there so many similar occurrence and documentaries
through out different cultures and religion? Like the great flood and it’s
survivors?
It appeared in Greek Mythology, Buddhism, Christianity , et cetera.
Why ? Did it really happen? Or they originated from the same source?
Which probably did, if it did, then what is it ?”
OR
” Everything HAS a reason. A cause then effect thing. Everything I did
leads to this exact moment of me sitting here typing these, is it destined?
Or the future is an unknown? Is this the destined path I ought to take?
(This is what I tell myself when I have bubbling thoughts of regrets,
more on that later.)”
OR
“Everyone is
born a pure piece of paper. What they go through leaves marks and folds.
Many a times they can’t control what is written on then or how they are
folded. They might be taught what they did is right, or maybe the hideous thing
they did might be effect of mental stress built up. Or maybe that is the only
way they know how to express an emotion. Plus how one person behave
can be affected by so so many factors like:
– Religion.
– Family.
– Education.
– Environment.
– Country regiment.
– Health.
And on and on.

So how can we truly blame someone? “

Some thing like that and a lot more other stuff about religion, politics, histories,
environment, the origins, true meaning of life, supernatural stuff and guys.
 
I also do research on these topics.
So sometime I love to rant about all these and bore my friends to death.
I’ve become pretty analytical, I break down information and even EMOTIONS
into tiny bit and digest it. Knowing the other factors make me understand
the subject more thoroughly.
How I wish I can meet someone who is actually interested and we can share our
knowledge.

Yes, knowledge is my new found passion.
I love love love knowing know stuff, how things works, how things come about.
Though I forgot about them more often than not after researching about it. D:
I might have went a little far on these stuff that no one cares about but I truly
believe that people ought to know more about this gigantic wonderful mess we
live in. The awes and wonders of life of science of people of the universe and
realities (; ?
How can people not wonder ?

All these learning and thinking made me more empathetic, sympathetic,
compassionate. (All self declare one) And a whole lot more understanding.
My mind clears out so much as I decide to be more forgiving and understanding
and you know what? That’s how I feel more at peace.
That and I really believe in Karma and that one should give because that’s what
we should do but never expect because people don’t owe you even if you helped.
[Nope, I’m not a Buddhist, I’m actually a free thinker. Maybe more on that next time.]
Do that now ? Never mind, I forgive (for real) for Karma might strike you one
day if you keep doing that. What goes around, comes around.
Help you ? Sure ! Because that will make you happy and people about me being happy
makes me happy. Return the favor ? Nah it’s fine. Help me back only if you want to,
not when you have to.

Talking about happiness.
I think I am a happier person this year, 2014.
How can I know after learning and understanding so much.
I put a lot things down, let by gone be by gone.
I abandoned the concept of regretting.
I no longer believe in regretting.
Firstly because I believe that EVERYTHING happens for a reason.
To rid of someone that is toxic, to teach you a lesson, to push you forward.
Things don’t happen to you, they happen FOR you.
When I understood this, that is when I understood there is no point in
regretting. Big or small. What is important is don’t let the incident or
consequence go to waste. Learn whatever you can from it and move forward.
And never make that same mistake again.
If you can’t do that then at least try not to think backwards but instead, forward.
Dwelling in the past can be very very draining and harmful.

Crap I’ve lost my train of thoughts.

Being direct.
Too direct sometimes?
It is an Aquarius trait. I wasn’t this bad until later this year.
I used to be very nice and easy on my words, I use to deny this trait when I read
Horoscope when I was a younger me.
I can deny it no more.
If I have to explain why or what caused my increased directness I would say:
– My amazingly high level of ‘don’t-give-a-fk”-ness &
– My laziness.
I’m just too lazy to sugar coat it or beat around the bush all the time.
You have no idea how much easier lives are with directness. Weeeee.

Friends.
Honestly, I can’t make this far without my amazing and annoying as hell friends.
I love them (‘: I don’t usually say such mushy stuff and actually mean it.
They made the seemingly tough hell road so much more fun and enjoyable.
I don’t feel that alone anymore.
This year I spent time with my many different friends and I’m so happy
I have them. I’ll let the pictures so the talking ?

2015 will be better (:

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